Little girls (and one fish-girl) with wild spirits, sometimes homicidal they’re so carnal - while the moon is in cancer, sun in virgo it feels like this energy - these rabid little girls calling out to remind us of the softness within the hardness and the hard in the soft. The pain that stirs movement and action, screaming and song.
The young one in each of us ready to run away run towards our center run away from all the expectations placed on us consciously or sub, thick though it’s under the radar we feel it - cancer moon heightened intuitive/emotional/animal senses - we pick up on other’s cues and feel bound to them- we must return to our center- return to sender- crawl back into the hearth of our inner home- kindle the fire - inspire our wholeness back into creation- for no one but our own - our tender seed cracking - ready to be watered, nurtured, to have a chance at blooming.
So we see this young wild one in us, roused and clear and confused and near, banging at the door of our Day Skin, and we listen. We simply hear what the sounds say, what the feelings lurch out, maybe it’s not decipherable maybe it’s a sound that slips out of your mouth, a motion of the hand or neck, however it comes, listen.
And this time instead of keeping it comely inside, remember you don’t always have to divide, fragment your different bits into what you think will be relevant. Germane. All the same. What will they think, the game. Sick and tired of being sick and tired! Let’s jump back in our hearts. Let the tide of the flame inside rise and warm us first, you first you deepest you essence you inside you first before you feel the need to say it make it terse show them anyone anything doesn’t matter when you’re swimming in the center of your own songdream.
And yes, sing! Let the melody slip from your lips, let it drip let it sound how it sounds you may not first “approve” you may look around, wonder if anyone can hear and the vulnerability is sickening it’s so near but trust and stay close to your You, your You-est you wants to come through - how can you follow your You-est? Your truest? Where is your energy naturally wanting to move?
If it doesn’t make sense to you or feels wrong like you shouldn’t do it or there’s no time or what how when where all the time just stop for a second and say: I’m free. I’m alive and I’m free. I get to follow where my instincts take me. I am unbound at the most base animal level, I only owe myself a chance at tasting God - I owe the world a chance at being warmed by my light - I owe myself a chance to feel the sun beam straight into my chest, bloodstream- to land in my own luminosity.
Cancer is ruled by the moon so when the moon is in cancer it’s extra powerful- the moon reflecting, transposing light, and us too, beings of alchemy - we can be in both darkness and light and it swirls to create our uniqueness - we hang steady in a sky of dark and shine our hope out for the nightspirits, bright enough that they can hear it, can sing along, join the cicadas and deer and all who draw near when you listen.
Stay close to your heart, you may be cracking/ you’ve been breached/ you may feel the inner twisting turbulence of creation inside / the pangs of birth / but soon you will be delivered fresh and new to yourself, your inner essence steady / and all will emanate from that core/ no more reaching, striving, seeking, believing it’s outside you.
Now for the return, the remembrance. You were always whole. You have always been Light. Your inner might can never be sallowed or swallowed, though it might sometimes feel strange and hollow, it is full and rich, it is where you’ve come from and all that you’ve been, it is the sound of your voice and the soft touch of your fingertips, it’s the time outside of time where you reside when you drop the ruddied pretenses of the terrified mind, the fertile bed of What Could Be, all that could be- that /is/ already, you you you you coming through look at you proud of you so proud of you it’s you the one you’ve been remember you remember ten and five and eight and six? Remember when you lost your first tooth? It hanging from a string and under the tears your face beaming, I am living this life that has come along with me, I am with me now.
So if I am free, if I can do anything, if I am alighted from within and know where I’ve been, how can I trust my next step? How do I know it’s safe if I haven’t gone yet? All I know is the dark and the cold and the sad, so how am I to trust if I suddenly feel glad? It's a cyclical, ebbing and flowing journey in trusting that God’s will is good, that the flow of Nature, the winds that spread seeds and connect us all to Creation’s melody turns towards bloom, abundance, growth. Not in the capitalist sense of more more more for the sake of more for numbers and meaningless currencies and ego-drunken fantasies, no - for our innermost, for us, for our most precious seeds to grow fruit, tending to our driest roots, loving them enough to care for their needs. check in with yourself throughout the day —
how are you //feeling// ?
did something snag you in a certain way
but it feels 'silly' or 'not a big deal'
cry it out like a kid
waaaahhh - i wanted chocolate ice cream
yep like that, because that's what's inside and we shove it away but there's no away, just further in you
so we must stay current and let things breathe
so we can tap into the everflowing current of our most inner being, the one who doesn't distinguish feeling from feeling,
appropriate or not, right or wrong, no! it's all just feeling
So how do you really feel? Not what’s in your head or what you’re stressed about, but how do you feel? In your body in your stomach your chest what’s there what’s left when it’s just you and the feeling? Can you hold your heart can you cover your face in your hands and cry and can you sigh and shout your deepest lies and all that was a surprise and what you most desire let it out whisper to your angels sing it out scream it to your god, and you will feel the drawing in, getting closer to your heart, welcoming it into belonging, like when you clean one corner of your room- then the next patch of mess gets welcomed into the new Clean Room, tending to the corners, each spot gets to be seen, no part of you needs to stay hiding, and it can be welcomed as you wish, you can see the part of you that is unsure of your worth, that doubts your voice and compares relentlessly, and you can invite that one for a cup of tea, you can set a table in your mind or living room pull out mugs for each of the You’s that usually you shrug off/ admonish / dampen / tell to quiet down / those rowdy orphans looking for anyone to care, listen / even the most deviant one in you that you don't want to believe could be true, could be you, the one you’d never dare admit, that one gets a seat at the table too.
From all these years they’ve pitched tent and when you don’t listen they stay longer until you do. It’s not to get rid of them or cast them off, trick them with niceties and a cup of tea so they’ll be in a good mood and leave you alone — don’t you know this has never been the human way? We can’t be tricked or fed with pretense, we feel the Real, we know the truth. So we must go to these hidden ones with real patience, mercy, understanding.
This is real/ this is happening / you are you/ on this earth/ what is True?/ for /you/ the You-est you/ what do you know for sure? Write this at the top of a page and write under it.
What I know for sure is:
And listen to what you hear
Get curious about what’s in your sphere
You are dear, dearest, nearest to My Heart (the Divine heart, the holy center, your unique center that dips into the core through the crust the mantle all the layers of mistrust it is you, see, remember? you, the one born however many years ago into the arms of your kin, your animal offering of life bestowed, your eyes bright with gold vision seeing, that one is still you, the cheeks the soft head it’s all you still honey can’t you see?
You’re free - not to be alone or confused, you’re free to be You- natural movements- I know it feels too good to be true, feels impossible in the paradigms we reside - well how can I just /be/ when there’s all these forces acting on me? Babies don’t have jobs or classes to attend, or spouses with expectations and emails to send, and yet what if deep down you were free from these too? What if there really was nothing but you?
And yes you connect to these channels out there, you need to eat and you want to learn and love and all the things that can bring duty and attachment, but underneath the seeming impossibility is your sovereignty, bright and clean for you to glean - to beam from learn from lean on- that’s you, that’s the most You-est you!
And it is allowed to come through, it must, it’s inevitable, your glue, your True, and it will be revealed to you how you can creatively infuse this into the days and the duties and the weeks and the emails, it is possible that’s what they never tell you, you can slide into those spaces and stay with you, keep your core and listen, what’s more!
THE CURSE HAS BEEN BROKEN/ THE THUNDERS HAVE SPOKEN
don’t bend to anything that isn’t you / don’t trick yourself or try to misconstrue / the truth can’t be bent or fragmented it must be eaten whole / you must extol your heart-est heart’s discontents, draw them out and let it drip, down the sidewalk like the cone mint chocolate chip, see them out there not just stuck inside, let it out dripping green and white, the truth of your soul can be tasty you know, even if you once thought it droll or saccharine scary, you must see it now in its full autumn glow/ you get to rise as it comes to you particularly, your unique way, no one needs to understand, but you know, you’re holding your wholeness holy, keeping your wellspring flowing, drinking from the waters within and running down from the skies of might and delight and washing out fright, you are cleaned from the weight that once locked you to terror/
you are free and you remember this now/ you move steadily with your heart out of hiding/ assign to your own divinity/ align with what’s clearest calling for your watering/ and you know that nothing they say can scare you, the voices you once listened to are silent now/ your ears fall deaf to all but delight / you sign your emails not with Best, or Sincerely, but With Power and Glee, from the one in this body, the animal in this skin, not the avatar or the set of letters I type within, the one I’ve been, the newborn with the eyes, the surprise and rise of my energies now, I flit and fly and sing out the apple of my eye and reach beyond the Old Abide to dead things that make me sick and flip it and reverse it to dance in New Flying in the malleable movements of me / now I see now I know what is In/ what is True / within the stillness I listen / I listen to nothing but You
Don’t decide anything - let god lead you
Don’t think anything - let god see you
no need to regret anything feel shame blame guilt it has all been exactly what it has needed to be - the curse had to be broken so you could emerge - but there is still a yearning for incubation time- feeling the pull to come back to your own space, create in privacy with unlimited time - hard to know when it’s a "good time" to tune in and shut out the world / worried about what might be out there / come back to your center, where you are meant to be, your curtain call, getting into position, trust where god leads you / into your room into incubation creation time that bleeds out just for you to sink in to / when you feel it listen
“Shoo fly don’t bother me cause I belong to somebody” this has been coming to me- shoo away the old dead thought loops, cause you belong to somebody (Yourself, your You-est you, your creator) you are accounted for; not some stale bread for the flies to tread, no, you are not dead you are alive you live amongst the Divine; it’s now time to see that you are not worthy of the flies, you don’t need to hear the buzz constantly, let yourself free let yourself breathe in clear unfettered silence, try it. See what happens. Why is it hard? Do they seem to always come back?
Speak your distinction to the trees of this new season - here I am now - I know who I am, I know where I’ve been, and I am no longer available for the flies of the fearful hivemind, I am closed indefinitely to lies and deceit, I open only for that which matches my energy- of pure return to innermost energy- heart magma glowing showing the way - where I need never stray - where I’m never away, never out to lunch- no need to punch in to this reality this is me this is where I always am- not collecting taxes for Uncle Sam, not drafting a list or a plan, nowhere to be found out there, but in here.
~~
at this time with the moon in cancer, you may feel called to go back and read your own writing, from journals / notes app/ etc and tune into what still feels true/ how you've changed and what it may be trying to tell you at this point in time- a conversation with your younger self- you may also imagine your ten year old self at this time and invite them to your tea party - what would they say? what would they need? how are you still this person? what do you need?
also any books you find at a free little library or on the street or that someone lent but you haven’t read yet- trust that it’s of you - open to a page, be curious to what is could be offering
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